Uncertain times

Another very lonnnnng overdue posting! Oooops! Oh well, I'm here now. Well what can I update - so much has happened and is happening but I won't reveal all!

Lillie has a new childminder, well more like a nanny who comes to our house. Unfortunately the last childminder didn't work out. However, Lillie doesn't have to be up at half five anymore and can be comfortable at home. I will admit I still haven't adjusted to having someone take care of Lillie weekday mornings. Though Lillie enjoys herself, yet states she misses me. Not always sure I've done the right thing, but I do love my job and being free from claiming benefits. However, we still get quality time together when things from the outside world are not intruding upon us and disrupting our lives (that's another story and one I don't feel comfortable disclosing. More so for Lillie's sake. But, I do wish those responsible would just back off and move on with their own life).

Everyday Lillie is learning something new - whether it's academically, creatively, about herself, or indeed about the world in general. The list is endless when considered. Though, lately, with all that's been going on in our lives, I've been questioning whether HE is the right life for her. I instinctively feel it is, yet the chipping away from others is never far away. And it's not opposition from society. It's much more closer to home. The odd few who do think she 'should' be in school wear me down from time to time and this takes away time with Lillie with having to provide certain people with a reply. Why can't they see the evidence standing right in front of them when they look at Lillie? Or even take the real time to chat with her? Complete strangers do and their inquisitive manner always pays off for them and us. Thankfully we don't experience what some HE parents write about when quizzed about HE. We're usually met with enthusiam and told we're better off with this option. And yes, some say "I wish we could do that!" I simply say then do it. Give it a try. What have you got to lose? But, I'm honest. I do not portray HE as blissful or without down days. It's difficult and tiring. However, anything worth doing never comes easy. And the rewards pay off in so many ways.

Lillie is a bright, happy, intelligent, confident, smiley and energetic little girl who can express herself articulately. But, she's a little girl with sometimes the weight of the world on her shoulders. A weight I am battling to help rid her of. It's not easy. And it's not fair that she has to experience what she hears from loved ones. Thank goodness for those who do take the time.

But, we do plan days where we just put aside the problems and say no more about it. It helps and keeps us motivated even when we think its still them against us. I probably sound like I'm talking in riddles, but I do have to be careful what I say for legal reasons I guess. Plus, I don't want to be viewed as being spiteful. Quite the opposite. I just want PEACE for Lillie and myself.

Hopefully it will pass soon enough - God, I hope so......