Rollercoaster of emotions!

Thursday was so humourous! There was me thinking that 'Kung Fu Panda' was showing at our local cinema! Apparently I had read this week's listings! So we had to take a rain check... Lillie was great and understood - so instead we hired 'The Bee Movie' - still ate Hot Dogs, Popcorn and drank Soda tucked up on Lillie's Daddy's sofa!

Friday nearly ended as the most disappointing day of the year for me. My cousin Lawrence was killed in a car accident in 2002 - he was only 17 years old. I decided at the time of his death that I would not visit the cemetry, but instead chose the place where he was killed. In my mind it would be the least likely place that people would go to and I didnt want Lawrence ever feeling 'alone' there. Also since 2003, I have become estranged from some members of my extended family due to their inconceivable actions. However, I still assumed Lawrence would be well taken care of at the cemetry. How wrong was I?

To cut a long story short, Lillie, her Daddy and I ended up at the cemetry because I felt drawn to go - I was horrified to see that Lawrence's resting place was overgrown and perhaps had not been tended to for a good while. My reaction was instant tears and a few choice words regarding his parents who for sure will never figure in my life again. Considering how they behaved at his funeral in front of so many people and now this contrasting image of a grave, looking just as old as some of the other resting places, due to the likelihood of the next generations also being long gone. Lawrence's 'free' head stone had still not been replaced as promised with one that is personal to him and his nuclear family. In all honesty it looked like a pauper's grave. Lawrence's Dad only lives 5 mins down the road and the ironic thing about it all is that he is a funeral car driver! It simply didnt make any sense to me why my cousins grave has been so neglected.

I couldnt leave him like this, so Lillie, Lillie's Daddy and I stripped all the overgrown grass back to the soil. We popped to the local garden centre and chose the most beautiful looking flowering plants that I associate with the countryside & freedom. Lillie chose a large colourful windmill which didnt stop turning while we were there! Lillie said "Lawrence looks like a little garden." Her words made me feel so much better. It really didnt take that long to show how much we care. We shall go back very soon to do more planting and rake some large gravel stones over the space left to prevent the grass from taking over again. We shall have his name plate replaced with a shiny new one and will look into how we can have a more fitting headstone. We shall also make sure that it never looks like no one cares again... And I hope that Lillie will somehow find a way to carry on looking after it when Im gone as Im sure it will figure in her life while Im about!

On a much brighter note, I got to spend some quality time with my son and his friends Saturday evening. They knew what had occurred earlier that day and sure made me feel better again with their jokes and banter! Later on in the evening the lads went out for the night and Lillie's Daddy and I continued having a good craic! Came home early Saturday morning like a bear with a sore head - self inflicted though, Lol... Lillie spent her weekend with her Daddy - they met up with Lillie's Grandparents and visited Lillie's Great Aunt Emmy. I was meant to start an assignment but instead sprawled out on sofa and watched TV all day long! Got an early night and was up early yesterday to work on my TMA. Today spent some more time on it. Now Im off to spend some time with Lillie who is chilling out watching Cbeebies!

All's well, ends well... Oh Happy 60th Birthday NHS (05/07/1948)