I don't blog for ages and now I'm writing my third posting in a week! But, I couldn't ignore what I have just read and not aim to look at the bigger picture. So, here's my take on it...
What I read was another HE posting, regarding society and children. The author pointed out how some parents are overheard saying that they can't wait for the school holidays to be over with. I sensed the author's disapproval at such a statement. Her words regarding this and how children are second class citizens were eloquently put and many readers, who commented on her post praised her line of thinking.
However, what struck me after reading the post and more than several comments (I couldn't continue any further) were that none of the contents I read showed any empathy towards such parents who state such a thing. I found I had just read a piece based on assumption. The assumption being that parents who state such a thing simply want their children out of their care and in school because they are a burden.
Firstly, while there was a mention of tiredness, selfishness etc as possible trigger factors, none of the posting or comments I read mentioned these parents backgrounds, their lives, their day, week or whether they were experiencing any difficulties or problematic relationships that life throws at them. I found it all a little ignorant to be honest. The impression I got from the author and the readers opinions I read were that these parents children were being subjected to a form of verbal/emotional abuse.
Secondly, how does the author and readers who agreed with her know whether these parents who state such things to their children do not apologise, hug their offsprings, talk with them and spend quality time with them after being overheard? The author stated she talks and apologises to her own children after having an 'off' moment with them, over what other parents may view as not worth shouting or yelling about. Why would it be assumed that parents who say such a thing as the one I'm writing about be any different with how they deal with what they've said to their child after it's been said?
Finally, I am a mother who has 'off' moments with my two children (and anybody else I'm close to regardless of their adult age!). My eldest attended school and my youngest never has. Is there really a huge marginal difference whether a child is in school or otherwise with how we as parents talk to them? I've always made it clear to both my children when they are being a pain in the arse. They have their 'off' moments with me too and do not hold back with letting me know. Isn't that how most families roll?
Family life isn't a constant flow of sunshine, togetherness and happiness. Family members do not always get along all of the time. Stress can play a major roll with how we communicate with one another. As can timing. Bereavement, financial hardship, bad housing/areas, dv, unemployment, addictions, routine, work committments, study committments, illness or just a really crap out of sync day can be present in any family. So, before judgements are made and therefore assume a parent is being basically a bad one on the basis of what is overheard, it might be better to aim for the bigger picture instead.
I'm not attempting to make excuses for anyone with saying such a thing to a child, we all say things we regret and can't take back once said. I truly do not believe a parent who never has! But, there are many, many, many, parents who try to put right their mistake in word choice. There are times when I don't want to be around my children and just want some time to myself. If I don't get some quiet 'me' time to pamper myself, read a book, recharge or just catch up on the ironing in peace and alone, I will go mad! And yes I tell my children that too! Nothing wrong with some space from your kids. Nothing wrong with kids wanting space from their parents. Personally, I think it's healthy. And something they should be aware of cos if they're not, they will be in for some upsetting times during adulthood. Not everybody wants company all of the time, just like not everybody wants to be in their own company all of the time. And then there is the factor that some parents may just find it difficult to adjust to school holidays. Just like parents who find it hard to adjust to putting their children into day care. We are all different. So, ......
Let's not over-dramatise such comments and consider things from other peoples' perspectives from time to time and not jump to conclusions without all the facts. Afterall, how many times do we hear bad press when it comes to Home Education? Do we like it? Do we want to be seen as what we read at times? Do we aim to set the record straight? I'm sure those parents who state such things to their children wouldn't appreciate reading such negative comments about them.... Something to think about I hope for anyone who reads this.
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